I was talking to my sister the other day and she was telling me how she had run out of toilet tissue only to find out that there was a four-pack of tissue on the kitchen counter from an earlier grocery store run. She was relieved because as she told me, she always had a fear of not having toilet tissue. I asked her why, and she said that when we were growing up, we ran out of toilet tissue all the time and she thought that was horrible as a child. I laughed because I remember, running out of tissue too. I never got upset about it, because you know colored our people are very resourceful and we can find something to use. I started thinking and remembered that I always had a fear of not having a lot of food in the refrigerator (surprise, surprise!). I remember opening the refrigerator and seeing a scare supply of food and panicking. I love(d) to eat and thought not having food in the fridge was second to murder. We were a restaurant family so stocking the fridge was never a big deal to my parents. We ALWAYS had some juice and water in it though. My daddy was a guzzler of beverages and he would put dozens of cartons of juices in the refrigerator. I also vowed that I would decorate my house and actually put things on my walls because my mother loved white bare walls. She said she felt claustrophobic with things on the wall. When I became an adult with a home of my own, I made sure that the first thing I did was paint the walls and hang pictures. I also am the refrigerator guardian. As soon as I’m low on something, I immediately restock. I’m the same way with gasoline, because my momma ran out of gas all the time. My dad was always fussing about how my momma never put gas in her car. She just hated to do it. So needless to say, I fill my tank up faithfully. I hardly let it get below half a tank. It’s interesting the things we carry from childhood into adulthood. I think about what my sister and I have carried into our adult life thinking, “My child will never have to worry about this or that” only to bring a new sets of things for your children to vow NEVER to do. While we were talking, my sister’s daughter Amber, agreed with me and said, “I know, right? I always said when I grow up I will always have food and that I’ll decorate my house cause my momma likes bare walls and she doesn’t care if we have a lot of food in the fridge!” I thought to myself, “And it continues…” What do you always hope you have enough of?
Order and money.
My momma likes for things to be neat. I think she might be a little OCD (nothing like Ruth though), but I have carried that with me. Lack of order in my space means chaos in my life. I can’t think clearly in a bunch of mess. After moving in a with someone who can live ANYWHERE and in ANY CONDITION, I have learned to adjust. But when the pressure is on, it has to be clean. I have to be able to see corners. And it has to smell fresh. Otherwise, I am a very unhappy camper.
Money is also incredibly important. It’s no big surprise that we didn’t have a lot of money, but I’m not talking about being rich. I’m talking about knowing that when an emergency happens, I’m covered. When I need to buy a ridiculously expensive book at the last minute, I can do it. And if we are traveling and need to stay an extra night for any reason, we can. I do have dreams of riches, but in reality, all I want to be is secure.
And it doesn’t hurt to be able to buy a gift for the people you love every now and then instead of wishing it were possible.
Great post Paula.